My name is Ryan Stevenson, and I’ve been in the exact same position that you’re in now… twice!
I’ve been married for 20 years to my high school sweetheart, and we have three kids. From the outside, we may appear to have a perfect, fairytale marriage and life, but there were many years where that was far from the truth.
My wife filed for divorce two different times throughout our marriage. I could’ve given up and walked away, but I decided to stay and fight for my marriage.
I was able to save my relationship and even make it stronger over time. There is always hope to save a relationship, but it is very important to refuse to give up. However, you have to approach the situation with extreme caution.
She probably won’t come to you and hand you the solution to your marital problems. However, when you take the initiative and make it important to yourself to save your marriage, your wife will take notice. She fell in love with you once before, and it can happen again.
Back when I was separated from my wife, I wish I would’ve found a website like this one. It could’ve saved me a lot of time, pain, agony, and even money.
No matter how hopeless your situation may seem right now, there is hope if you take action.
I had to use trial and error to save my marriage. I messed up a few times along the way and nearly blew it entirely.
You don’t have to go through those same problems though. I can tell you exactly what to do and what to say to your wife to repair your marriage and stop your divorce.
Leading up to the first time my wife filed for divorce, I thought I was a potential candidate for husband of the year. I felt strong and powerful. Almost like I could conquer anything. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, everything came crashing down around me and nearly cost me everything I worked so hard to obtain.
The first years of our marriage were tough. We were young, we didn’t know how the world worked, and worst of all we were broke. My wife seemed to spend her time catering to her own needs to escape from our reality. I did the opposite. I worked my ass off to change our situation.
I worked a full-time job and also began to build a business in my spare time. My wife didn’t work, although she was raising our young kids at the time. She was in charge of the house, which was perpetually messy, and I was in charge of earning money for the family.
After years of hard work, I managed to progress from making $20k per year to $100k+ per year (all without a college degree).
We finally moved out of the small, crappy house we had lived in for years. Moving to a nice neighborhood and living in a larger, nicer house certainly made us begin to feel like adults.
My wife certainly seemed to be thrilled about the progress I had made for our family. She went from a clunker car to a nice, new minivan.
Frivolous shopping trips were now a weekly event and sometimes even happened daily. Our house quickly become full of the most useless items that simply sat around collecting dust.
Expendable income quickly dried up. I was making six figures a year, but my monthly budget still felt the same as it did when we were struggling financially.
I tried to talk with my wife about money and spending. She shut down every time it was brought up.
There was zero participation from her as far as paying bills or managing money. In fact, she couldn’t even tell you how much money was in the bank at any given moment. It didn’t seem like she cared honestly. If she wanted to buy something, she did so without checking to see if it would negatively affect our budget.
Even if a house payment was due in a few days and I was prepared to pay it, she would sometimes spend the money on something she wanted. I was left to figure out how to make the money again and keep the bills paid. If I failed to do so, it was my fault.
Obviously, you can see the problem here. You can’t have one person in a marriage that isn’t involved with family finances and still has the freedom to spend whenever and however much they want. It is simply a recipe for disaster, and that’s exactly what happened to us.
For most married couples, this irresponsible financial behavior would likely result in homelessness over time. Some people will even divorce because of this exact type of recklessness.
If you get a paycheck each week, you probably don’t have any way to make extra money if your check is wasted. I was lucky because I was running my own business at the time. This allowed me to work harder and longer hours to make up the shortfall of funds.
I began to resent my wife for her behavior and lack of care about our finances, especially since she refused to even have a real conversation about the problem. My only solution to avoid financial disaster was to work more.
The more I worked, the more my wife began to resent me for not spending time with her. It honestly didn’t seem to click for her that she was causing it, despite my repeated attempts to talk about it.
As I made more money, our lifestyle increased. We got a new car and a new house. Of course the house had the furnished with new stuff too.
As I become more successful, spending increased as well as frivolous shopping. Spending on wants took priority over needs and monthly bills.
To keep the bills paid and food on the table, I had to work longer hours. It even progressed to where I rarely took days off each week.
Naturally, there are only 24 hours in a day. 8 are needed for sleep with 16 remaining. With 12-14 hour days, there isn't much time left.
This ended up a self-fulfilling cycle. The more I earned, the more she spent, which led to even more work, and then to her feeling neglected.
The longer this went on, my wife eventually sought what she needed from another man. This led to her filing for divorce. She truly believed this new guy loved her and wanted to marry her, despite the fact that the guy was also married with kids.
This revelation in my marriage absolutely crushed me. I became depressed and had problems working since running my business required an extreme amount of brain power to do it successfully.
For the first few months, I went along with the divorce. I left our marital home, even though I was still paying for it. Then I had to shell out $5,000 to retain a lawyer to answer the divorce filing.
The more time passed, the more my life unraveled. The lawyer quickly burned through the first $5k and wanted more money to continue. We had barely started the divorce case in court with only a single hearing and a fight for child custody hadn’t even started yet.
While the lawyer was asking for more money, I was still struggling to work and already beyond broke. Permanent harm had been done to my business from my absence and performance over the previous months. I was paying for the marital home and living with family since I couldn’t afford my own place.
In a best-case scenario, I knew it was going to take years to financially recover.
I was obviously very sad, but I was also pissed off too. After all of the years of hard work I had done to improve the lives of my family, this is the thanks I get for it?
I reached a point where I was about to break when I finally had enough. I realized that I was letting this happen to me, and I was simply sitting back and watching the train wreck of my life in slow motion.
I had two choices…
I picked option #2 and choose to fight.
In my particular situation, it was honestly tough to fight. I still loved my wife, but I also hated her at the same time for what she had done.
For some people, infidelity can be a deal-breaker for a marriage. I was certainly not okay with it, but I still left my heart open to see if it could be fixed.
I gave this a lot of thought before I decided to proceed with trying to save my marriage and stop the divorce.
If I did get divorced, I would still be hurt by the affair. I would still have mistrust in future partners, and this would ultimately not be fair to them. With this route, I felt like I would never receive true closure or healing from the pain I had experienced.
If I was able to stop the divorce, I felt like it was still a possibility to receive closure and heal. If my wife truly felt sorry for what had happened and wanted to atone for her mistakes, this seemed like the only route offering a real chance to heal.
Once I decided to try to save the marriage, I contacted my wife to arrange a meeting so we could talk. I knew this meeting had to go good or there was no chance to reconcile. Luckily, the approach that I took worked and we slowly began to repair our relationship.
It turns out that she had been having the same thoughts. However, since she had caused the breakup and done so much harm to the relationship, she never attempted to approach me about it since she thought there was no way I would forgive her.
Within two months of that meeting, I was back living in our marital home and she had her lawyer dismiss the divorce case. In case you’re wondering, the other guy had been out of the picture for a while after she discovered that he was only interested in sex and had no intentions of pursuing a relationship or leaving his wife.
In some ways, she needed to experience that to really learn how hurtful her actions had been to me and the rest of the family.
I wish I could report that we lived happily ever after once the divorce was dismissed and we were back together.
Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. The problem wasn’t that I decided to take her back. The real problem was we never fixed our marital issues.
After a few years, I was able to create another successful business and started making good money again. We moved and bought our first home after renting for almost two decades.
Although the infidelity issues had been solved, I neglected to fix the problems with her selfish behavior and spending.
Those unfixed problems eventually surfaced again in the form of a massive meltdown on her part that resulted in permanent damage to the new business.
I attempted to address and resolve the situation, but she took offense to it. We ended up fighting and she had her mother help get a lawyer to file to divorce again.
For me, I felt blown away by the situation yet again. We had many arguments before that didn’t result in an instant divorce filing, so I was rather shocked.
I was even more shocked because of the progress and recovery that I had made in our lives. We were finally back on track financially and had owned our own home for less than a year.
In many ways, it felt similar to the previous blow. Just when I felt like our family was finally stable and secure, it all fell apart in the blink of an eye.
Sometimes things happen that are beyond your control. You may not be able to help getting fired from a job, struggling to find new work, and then losing your home because of it.
I had avoided all of those uncontrollable catastrophes in life, but it seemed like my wife was actually creating the ones that I was experiencing.
We legally separated yet again, and I moved in with family yet again while I paid for the marital home. Yet again, I watched my business be destroyed in a few short months.
I was honestly convinced that this was the right time to go through with the divorce. If she wanted to continue to self-destruct our lives, I would be better off alone.
I even tried going out on a date while we were separated – my first date in over 20 years. The woman was attractive, very responsible, financially secure, and extremely nice. In many ways, she possessed the qualities that I had sought from my wife for so many years.
Despite the fact that the woman was everything I thought I would want, I didn’t have any feelings for her. In fact, I found myself thinking about my wife during my date. We had lunch and said goodbye, leaving in our own vehicles. She wanted another date, but I couldn’t go through with it.
While dropping off my kids at our home one day, we ended up talking. I mentioned the date to her. It made her mad, despite the fact that I truthfully told her nothing happened. The “date” was just like meeting a co-worker or friend of the opposite sex for a casual meal.
I probed to get more information from her about why this would even make her mad. She had made it clear she wants me out of her life, so I thought I would at least begin to explore the possibility of finding someone else to be happy with.
This is when she revealed that she still loves me but simply doesn’t know how to fix our problems so we can have a happy marriage.
I calmly explained the root causes of our biggest problems, most of which would require her to make some changes. She seemed receptive to this conversation and making changes, so I told her we could take some time to work on things if she was up for it.
After talking with lawyers, we were able to get the court case delayed for a couple of months. I actually insisted on this happening. I wasn’t ready to officially reconcile until I could make some real progress with my wife.
This time around, we solved problems first and then moved forward with the relationship. While we were doing that, we lived separately but met up for date nights.
She needed to see that I wasn’t going to simply take her back, no matter what. I love her, but that love has limits when you abuse it.
I wanted her to finally be a complete part of the family. No more ignoring money and bills with the hope that I’ll manage everything on my own each month.
Instead of starting another business, we both got jobs for the first time in nearly 15 years. We both participated in paying bills and managing family finances.
Once the second divorce filing was dismissed, things became much better in our relationship. It wasn’t 100% perfect yet, but the lines of communication were finally open and real progress was happening.
This time around, I’m happy to report that our marriage is stronger and better than ever.
The lessons we learned along the way were tough and very expensive. Both divorces in total cost my family over $50,000, and we never even made it to the halfway point either time.
If your wife has filed for divorce or you have an unhappy marriage that may end in splitting up, don’t give up hope. It is possible to fix a bad relationship before it results in divorce. If a divorce is already in progress, you can see from my personal experience that it is not too late.
Most people do not want to give up on their marriage.
One person files for divorce when they feel like there is no more hope to save the relationship.
If your wife has filed for divorce but you do not want to get divorced, you need to act quick.
Fast action is necessary because divorce proceedings can do permanent damage to your relationship.
If you wait too long, it could become much more difficult or even impossible to save your marriage.
Cheating / infidelity, alcohol / drug problems, mental abuse, anger issues, bad financial decisions, lack of communication, lack of responsibility, emotional problems, or simple incompatibility are all common reasons for marriages ending in divorce.
If your relationship is failing for any of these reasons or even reasons that I haven’t mentioned, I can help.
Give me two weeks, follow my advice, and I can make a huge difference in your relationship to help stop your divorce dead in it’s tracks.
Within months, I can have you and your wife reunited and back on track with a lifelong marriage.
If you wait too long or simply ignore the divorce, it will not get better and may even become much worse.
If you dedicate yourself right now to begin to take action in the right direction, I can give you a few quick tips that will put you on the direct path to begin to save your marriage.
Serious about fixing your relationship?
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